Working with people you don’t like is one of the biggest challenges at any organisational level. It is vital for well-functioning organisations to have staff that at least try to get-on and have a workforce that is able work effectively as a team, to cooperate, to encourage and to inspire each other. To maximise productivity and make work as enjoyable as possible, building and maintaining good relationships are fundamental. For the mental and emotional well-being of staff, it is also essential that they feel comfortable and calm in their work-place and good relationships support that.
Yet, despite peoples best intentions, it is inevitable that there will be clashes in the work place. What should you do?
Here are my six tips for working with people that you don’t like.
(1) Develop self-awareness
This is an essential aspect of emotional intelligence. Understanding yourself enables you to understand others, it is possible that it is you causing the problem!
Sometimes your own experiences can be the cause of dislike towards another person. Unpleasant experiences have a way of influencing present relationships due to the emotional systems in our brain being programmed to pay more attention to the negative.
For example, someone called Joseph who has treated you badly in the past can set up an unconscious bias towards people called Joseph. It is the brains way of drawing lessons from the past to protect us from danger; it can, however cause us problems in the present. When you discern what is creating your negative associations youll be able to control your feelings more effectively.
Avoid making the problem worse by keeping your cool and self-control. Be selective in what is worth battling about to save your energy and time. Accept that it is okay not to get on with everyone, manage your expectations.
(2) Get to know the other person
The ability to empathise is built on self-awareness. Once you view things from anothers perspective it creates circumstances for developing a healthy working relationship.
Listen to the other person and be respectful. When you start listening more than speaking you encourage the other person to open up to you.
Remember basic conversational skills like finding common areas of interest. Remember that everybody has off-days.
Try to find out (carefully) if the other person is being troubled by something, although understand that they may not wish to discuss private problems. Try to use humour (when appropriate) to lighten the mood.
Be honest with the other person. Avoid misinterpretation and misunderstanding as much as possible.
(3) Be tolerant of different approaches
What you might see as being “different” can be misread as being “difficult”. Try to recognise when you switch into a defensive position, while jumping to defend your own ideas you may be missing out on a quicker, better way of doing things.
People who think differently to you may devise ideas and solutions that are not immediately obvious to you.
Try to avoid assuming that you know what the other person is thinking or feeling. It is natural for your brain to jump to conclusions based on your own experiences. Once you suppress these assumptions you’ll gain a great deal of knowledge and understanding; you’ll know what triggers certain emotional responses in the other person.
How should you handle the situation if you are being constantly attacked What are some of the more drastic solutions available to you when you dislike someone you have to work with Continue reading on page two.
(4) Be intolerant of aggression
If you are in a position of authority, make it completely apparent that there is no tolerance for aggression and be transparent about the consequences.
If you are experiencing an aggressive, abusive work colleague, be assertive in your responses but do not return the aggression. Be calm, clear and safe in you confrontations
Stick to what you know to be true and don’t let you emotions overcome you. Be prepared to walk away if things are getting too heated.
(5) Focus on solutions
Concentrate attention on what can be done to resolve the situation and don’t dwell on what has already happened and can’t be changed. Learn from mistakes and use that knowledge to improve in the future.
Also try to become a “can-do” person positive emotions are contagious!
(6) As a last resort, seek drastic solutions
If you feel there is no fixing the situation, simply avoid the person in question. Seek allies, particularly your boss, to help deal with difficult people.
Make extensive records of all and any instances of bullying (eg date, time, duration etc.), and raise formal complaints within the company.
You could also try to transfer to a different department if possible. And in the lastresort… you can always leave your job.
There is much that can be done when having to work alongside somebody you don’t like.
Develop self-awareness, be tolerant but clear when it comes to aggressive behaviour, develop a “can-do” solution-focused attitude, and finally, if all else fails, be prepared to admit defeat and accept that there are some people you are just never going to like.
As a manager, arranging open discussion, support or occassionally separating staff can all be considered. Being aware of your responsibilites to your staff is of course critical to prevent challenge. Clear documentation should always be kept of such meetings.
Joan Kingsley is an organisational psychotherapist and is the author of The Fear-Free Organization: Vital Insights from Neuroscience to Transform your Business Culture?( £29.99, Kogan Page).?
