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We all dread meetings. It eats up our time and educes us to sleep, but most of all, there’s an onus put on us to have all answers at hand on cue cards ok, so the cue cards may be an exaggeration. But”It comes in handy to have a few tricks up your sleeve to appear like you know exactly what’s going on just in case you start to day dream.
Enter Sarah Cooper, a comedian and writer of a satirical blog, who worked for giants Yahoo! and Google. She recently unveiled some amazing advice for those more preoccupied with daydreaming about their next vacation, nap, or even bacon. And we thought you could benefit from her advice.
(1) Don?t stand still
The key to gaining everyone’s immediate respect is to never sit down. Pace around to your hearts content because it, in some weird mysterious way, generates admiration from staff.
“It takes a lot of guts but once you do it, you appear smart,” she said. Fold your arms. Walk around. Go to the corner and lean against the wall. Take a deep, contemplative sigh. Trust me, everyone will be sh**ting their pants wondering what you’re thinking. If only they knew (bacon).
(2) Don?t take yourself too seriously
If you’re planning to use, or have already used, step one, then this should be a walk in the park. If your thoughts revolve around bacon, much like Cooper’s seems to, then blatantly admit you haven?t paid much attention. Not only that, make a fuss about it.
In her words: ?Just say, ‘I honestly didn?t hear a single word anyone said for the last hour.’ People love self-deprecating humour. Say things like, ‘Maybe we can just use the lawyers from my divorce,’ or ‘God I wish I was dead.’ They?ll laugh, value your honesty, consider contacting HR, but most importantly, think you’re the smartest looking person in the room.
(3) The power of the Venn diagram
Say what now” Venn diagram” It’s time you learn what it is because you?ll be wanting to draw a lot of it. It doesn’t matter how inaccurately you draw it. In fact, Cooper advocates that the more inaccurate it is the better! It will do wonders unless a member of staff has already tried finding similar methods of appearing smart and is smirking quietly in the corner of the room.
?Even before you’ve put that marker down, your colleagues will begin fighting about what exactly the labels should be and how big the circles should be, etc,” Cooper explained. “At this point, you can slink back to your chair and go back to playing Candy Crush on your phone.
(4) You should be able to silence the fray
You heard right silence the fray! Ultimately, find a few choice words to make others shut up and speak one at a time. It’s pretty powerful stuff.
“There comes a point in most meetings where everyone is chiming in, except you,” she said. “Opinions and data and milestones are being thrown around and you don’t know your CTA from your OTA. This is a great point to go, ‘Guys, guys, can we take a step back here ‘ Everyone will turn their heads toward you, amazed at your ability to silence the fray. Follow it up with a quick, ‘What problem are we really trying to’solve ‘ and, boom! You?ve bought yourself another hour of looking smart.”
There are more tricks of the trade. Continue reading to find out the benefits of repeating words and asking to see the previous slide again.
(5) Nod and doodle
Always, always it’s so important it’s been said twice have something to write with you. Most of all, make sure it’s paper-based as the fact you’re not using technology will somehow make people revere you. But if you really want to appear smart then there’s a subtle trick for you to learn: only write down one word from every sentence.
But that’s not all and here’s where it gets tricky: nod continuously while you scribble. If someone asks you if you’re taking notes, say that these are your own personal notes and that someone else should really be keeping a record of the meeting,” Cooper explained. Bravo compadre. You?ve saved your ass.
(6) Phone calls don’t make you look rude at all so take one
There’s always someone that keeps a vigilant eye on their phone, and more often than not, a meeting will be accompanied with the buzzing sound of mobiles alerting their users to received texts. That’s still ok, but to step out of the meeting for a phone call” is even better.
“You?re probably afraid to step out of the room because you fear people will think you aren?t making the meeting a priority. Interestingly, if you step out of a meeting for an ‘important’ call, they?ll realise how busy and important you are. They?ll say, ‘Wow, this meeting is important, so if he has something even?more important than this, well, we better not bother him.’?
(7) Ask whether it” will scale
Take a note of it: the question ?will it scale is an important one. Whether it’s about marketing tactics, the development of a product or your next team outing, never forget to ask this question even if it doesn’t fit in terms of context.
?Find out if things will scale no matter what it is you’re discussing,” she said.”No one even really knows what that means, but it’s a good catch-all question that generally applies and drives engineers nuts.
(8) Never be happy with percentage
It’s become your job to instantly be the one to translate percentage metrics into fractions. So unless you’re great at math it would probably help to have a calculator with you or Google open on a phone at all times.
“If someone says, ‘about 25 per cent of all users click on this button,’ quickly chime in with: ‘So about one in four’. Don’t forget to make a note of it. Everyone will nod their head in agreement, impressed and envious of your quick math skills.
(9) One look at a slide just isn’t good enough
There are seven words that no presenter wants to hear, but we re here to make you feel comfortable, not them. Sorry, could you go back a slide Yes, those words. It doesn’t even matter where in the presentation, but make sure to shout this out.
“It?ll make you look like you’re paying closer attention than everyone else is, because clearlythey?missed the thing that you’re about to brilliantly point out,” Cooper claimed. “Don?t have anything to point out” Just say something like, ‘I?m not sure what these numbers mean,’ and sit back.
(10) Repeat words slowly
Remember that drinking game at university where someone could nominate you to drink whenever they were forced to” Swap the drinks for words and you?ll get a feel of what is being hinted at. Pinpoint the engineer in the room and be vigilant every time he/she opens his/her mouth.
?He ll be quiet throughout most of the meeting, but when his moment comes everything out of his mouth will spring from a place of unknowable brilliance. After he utters these divine words, chime in with, ‘Let me just repeat that,’ and repeat exactly what he just said, but very, very slowly. Now, his brilliance has been transferred to you. People will look back on the meeting and mistakenly attribute the intelligent statement to you.
Everyone needs to have them, but without a bit of management, meetings can be a major drain on your time and productivity when you’re running a business. So, what can you do to ensure your meetings improve the way you work, rather than hinder it?
