When feelings run high, things are sometimes said and done that can create emotional walls” between people, making it hard to build teams, relationships and trust. And yet, unless you are willing to sacrifice those relationships, it is exactly what needs to happen. The EU referendum is a good example of this; division was created through heated discussions, argument and social media furore.
The old saying ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me is for most people not true. One of the main reasons that people hold on to grudges and experience conflict with another person is often due to a sense of hurt. And when it comes to Brexit, people are or have been experiencing all sorts of emotions about the other side; pain, anger, sadness, frustration and more.
Most of the time, even though there’s conflict and division, people need to come together again and find a way forward together. It may not always seem obvious at first, but it is definitely possible to build teams ad relationships, with determination, focus and plenty of good will.
These are our top seven?recommendations for how you can rebuild relationships and lead through conflict.
1) Use your EQ
When people don’t feel listened to, it’s rare that they can overcome their differences. They may say that they have gotten over it, but what you get instead is growing passive aggressiveness. Be prepared to let people express their concerns. Listen without judgment and calmly share your thoughts and feelings too. When people have a chance to share and feel heard, they can more easily come to some reasoning that can move the conflict closer to resolution. Be aware of your own emotions too; what you feel is bound to show. Manage these as part of the process.
2) Encourage willingness to unite
There must be a willingness to unite and come together if you’re going to strive to build teams that have already broken apart. This doesn’t always come naturally so someone needs to take the lead. Listen to people’s concerns. When people feel heard, it increases their willingness to listen others. Start to show that it’s possible to build bridges, by inviting people into dialogue. Take the first step and show that you are willing to put effort into the relationship.
3) Identify the shared goal
Find a shared vision or goal. Encourage dialogue that focus around: What do we have in common” What can we agree on” What do we all want to achieve Involve people in the dialogue and in finding and committing to your shared vision, purpose, goal and responsibility.
Carry on for points four to seven.
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4) Assume that people mean well
Be prepared to consider that people probably did the best they could when the conflict arose. Most likely people didn?t mean to annoy, insult or overlook. Remember that when strong emotions are involved, those emotions can hijack people’s behaviours and things may be said as result, which aren?t necessarily a true reflection of that person or those people. Assume positive intent.
5) Take charge if you want to build teams no longer wanting to cooperate
Someone, often a leader but it could also be a strong, trusted, informal leader, needs to step up, take charge and show the way. In times of uncertainty in particular, people often just want someone to give some direction. They want someone to get focused on a path so they can start to make progress together, hence building a sense of unity with a shared destination.
6) Get practical
When emotions have calmed down and people are willing to sit down and talk, get practical and work out what your goals are and how you will get there. Agree who will do what and how will you keep each other accountable, and get going.
7) Build a sense of pride
Everyone wants to know that what they do makes a difference. Focus on the strengths, focus on what is working well. Notice good results and praise them. Help people see that they can and are making a difference together. Celebrate successes and express your sense of pride.
And remember this: whenever you set out to rebuild trust and mend damaged relationships, it’s probably not going to run perfectly smoothly. Even the best-laid plans can be overturned, something may happen along the way to flare up emotions again. Don?t worry; keep your determination. Recognise that setbacks happen and keep focusing on the outcome of unity and shared future success.
Mandy Flint and Elisabet Vinberg Hearn are leadership development experts with a focus on future trends for leadership. They are the award-winning authors of Leading Teams 10 Challenges: 10 Solutions?. Download your free chapter at www.leadingteamsbook.com
